starlightshoe:

memequeenmachine420:

starlightshoe:

animentality:

littlelarimar:

there’s always that jerk named kevin that shows up in cartoons

it’s a bitch name

anyone remember the kevin story

What is the Kevin story?

someone once made a legendary post on reddit, asking who is the dumbest person youve ever met. Kevin wasn’t special needs or anything, but he sure was one interesting character. the gist of it can be found in these bullet points:

“
It was by some incredible fluke that his family hadn’t been wiped off
the face of the Earth years ago. Odds are his entire heritage was based
on blind luck and some type of sick divine intervention that saves his
family every time a threat presents itself. Kevin was the genetic
pinnacle of this null achievement….So here’s a list of events that made it abundantly clear that god exists and he’s laughing uncontrollably:”

• Kevin
  ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next
  day. This is 9th grade. I have no idea where he got crayons.
• Kevin’s
  dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to me…his English teacher.
  This was a public school. When I gave it back to Kevin, voided, to give
  to his dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school,
  Kevin got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
• Kevin was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire….twice
• Kevin threw his lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. He ran into a door and insisted it wasn’t him.
• Kevin
  stole my phone during class. I called it. It rang. He denied that it
  was ringing. (Not that it wasn’t his, not that he did it…..no, he
  denied that the phone was actually ringing). He tried it three times
  before the end of the year.
• Kevin
  called the basketball coach a “Motherfucking Bitch” during gym.
  Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. Kevin tried out. It didn’t go
  well.
• Kevin’s
  mom could never remember which school he went to. She missed several
  meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which he ever went
  to)
• Kevin tazed himself in the neck before a football game
• Kevin
  kept a bottle of orange koolaide in his backpack for about 4 months. He
  thought it would turn into alcohol. He drank it during homeroom and
  threw up.
• Kevin said the N-word a lot. Kevin was white. The highschool was 84% black. Kevin got beat up a lot.
• Kevin stole another student’s Iphone….and tried to sell it back to them.
• Kevin
  didn’t understand that his grade was dependent on tests, quizzes,
  homework, classwork, and participation. Kevin finished his first
  semester with a 3% average. He tried to bribe me with $11.
• Kevin spit on a girl and said “You should get out of those wet clothes”. The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
• Kevin tried to download porn onto a computer in the library…..at the circulation desk….while he was logged on.
• Kevin
  asked a girl to prom (he was in 9th grade and freshmen don’t go to
  prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her his address
• Kevin got gum in his hair, constantly.
• Kevin
  regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over,
  grabbing one before I had picked them all up, and then writing it name
  on it wherever there was room.
• Kevin
  had several allergies, but neither his parents nor he could remember
  what they were. They were very concerned that “the holiday party” would have peanuts. When they finally
  got a doctor’s note….he was allergic to amoxicillin
• Kevin
  and his parents took a trip to Nassau and forgot all their luggage at home. I didn’t believe
  him when he told me until I talked to him mom, who told me 1st thing
  when I saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
• Kevin’s grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. I can only assume God was looking the other way that day.